shit.
everything is shit, haha always. but this time it’s fucking shit. like forreal. i am not able to go through a day without coming back home and crying, hesitating whether i should continue the cutting, besides i miss my psychologist, i can’t talk to family, they’re family and my family is shit and they only want to hear abt ur shit life so they can judge your shit and go on with making you feel like shit, after all it is their job.
isn’t that everyone’s job in my life? like i already despise myself, i think i’m one of the most ugliest human beings that have faced this planet. i have zero talent. like i can’t even join clubs, tbh i secretly want to, i want to do something, and find what it is, i really like and not be reluctant when someone asks what are my hobbies? what our skills? fuck man, i can’t even answer a simple question on the first day of college prep, because i have no skills, i don’t. unless being fat is one, then hooray, or having this shit personality that no one can stand, not being good enough for this world. never being balanced, it’s not like i’m only ugly and have no friends and everyone hates the shit out of me and hopes i die, no, i started thinking, i should improve in school, my classes, but no i can’t. i’m just too big of a failure. and i can’t be stable, i eventually collapse.
and my mom can be supporting but she is never the right person to talk to, and i have no friends, i have people surrounding me, waiting for me to screw up to talk about it. that’s what it is, and if not, they’ll continue talking about my weight, how loud i am, how bitchy i am and whatever comes to mind. it’s all perfect. i just hope i die soon. i really do. i don’t even look forward for college anymore. i used to look forward to things, i used to want things, i used to be hopeful, and yes this all sounds corny and shitty and like oh yeah optimism, rainbows and flowers but it’s true, i actually had happy thoughts and now i just, i don’t.
i just want to die already. and idc how, i just do.
no one gives a flying fuck about my existence.
i’m pretty sure my mother’s life can go on, other than that.
look at my dad, livin the life forgetting i’m existent, but it’s okay.
everything is shit, haha always. but this time it’s fucking shit. like forreal. i am not able to go through a day without coming back home and crying, hesitating whether i should continue the cutting, besides i miss my psychologist, i can’t talk to family, they’re family and my family is shit and they only want to hear abt ur shit life so they can judge your shit and go on with making you feel like shit, after all it is their job.
isn’t that everyone’s job in my life? like i already despise myself, i think i’m one of the most ugliest human beings that have faced this planet. i have zero talent. like i can’t even join clubs, tbh i secretly want to, i want to do something, and find what it is, i really like and not be reluctant when someone asks what are my hobbies? what our skills? fuck man, i can’t even answer a simple question on the first day of college prep, because i have no skills, i don’t. unless being fat is one, then hooray, or having this shit personality that no one can stand, not being good enough for this world. never being balanced, it’s not like i’m only ugly and have no friends and everyone hates the shit out of me and hopes i die, no, i started thinking, i should improve in school, my classes, but no i can’t. i’m just too big of a failure. and i can’t be stable, i eventually collapse.
and my mom can be supporting but she is never the right person to talk to, and i have no friends, i have people surrounding me, waiting for me to screw up to talk about it. that’s what it is, and if not, they’ll continue talking about my weight, how loud i am, how bitchy i am and whatever comes to mind. it’s all perfect. i just hope i die soon. i really do. i don’t even look forward for college anymore. i used to look forward to things, i used to want things, i used to be hopeful, and yes this all sounds corny and shitty and like oh yeah optimism, rainbows and flowers but it’s true, i actually had happy thoughts and now i just, i don’t.
i just want to die already. and idc how, i just do.
no one gives a flying fuck about my existence.
i’m pretty sure my mother’s life can go on, other than that.
look at my dad, livin the life forgetting i’m existent, but it’s okay.
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