fuck offfffffffffffff

Dear R,

When I’m craving to be intoxicated, what if I’m actually craving death? It’s just that I know I cannot achieve that now, so I long for the best next thing which is to become nearly too intoxicated to function.



I haven’t actually begun to search for my suicide method, maybe I won’t actually do it. But then again, I’ve been too frequently high recently that it’s hard to care.

Yesterday though I went to a funeral for a family friend’s husband. It confused me a bit though. Why must there be so much sadness revolving around death? He completed the game of life, he’s moved on to whatever there is next. We should be happy: he’s not in this miserable world anymore. When I die I’d rather there be a party thrown. Send my corpse out to sea on a raft and shoot a flaming arrow at it, watching the entire raft catch fire in the distance to the setting sun. Sounds nice to me.

But then again, no parties will be thrown when I die. Just rain.