now

i have a 5/10 chance of dying by suicide. i use drugs to fill the void in my soul which also greatly increases my chance of death. i havent liked anyone since i fell in love 4 years ago and I can't live her alone. i push everyone away and im just not ready to go through that again. my dbt counsellor told me that im not ready to do dbt but i dont think ill ever be able to commit to sessions twice a week plus homework. i hate this chronic feeling of emptiness and i hate the fact that my need for love has been replaced by my need for drugs. because ive given up yet i want to get better. i want to go to detox yet i feel like its pointless and im just going to relapse. i cant live like this anymore